Hey folks,
If you're reading this post and checking out this blog, chances are you're already in a similar place to me right now.
I'm not going to pretend like I'm some woeful, misbegotten victim here and try to make out like I'm in the grip of some horrendous eating disorder because I'm not. And yes, I'm well aware that the very fact that I would deny such a thing will do nothing more than add fuel to the flames and suggest I'm in denial or something, but to be honest, it matters not one bit what anyone thinks...
What really matters is what I've actually decided on; what journey I've willingly begun to embark upon. That journey is one I think you might also be walking and perhaps one we can walk together. I'm talking about the journey into the Pro-Ana-Mia Lifestyle, because if you're anything like me, you'll understand the difference between 'suffering' from an eating disorder and taking a controlled approach to the anorexic lifestyle. You'll know that to restrict and fast and binge and purge, is to truly push your body to it's physiological limits, all in the name of looking and feeling great.
Right now I'm restricting. My daily food intake is coming in at between 300 and 500 cals a day, not including those evil calories that get binged and purged once a week as a way of controlling my cravings. Unlike many who walk with our sister Ana, I'm not particularly snobbish in hooking up with Mia every so often. In fact I actually look forward to our occasional lunch dates. I know that won't sit well with the purists amongst us, but to be honest, I'd rather plan these little 'outings' factoring in exactly what I think will make me feel satisfied, than allow my cravings to creep up on me unannounced leaving me grappling for frozen or unsatisfactory, hastily gathered food stuffs.
No, I much prefer to select what it is I KNOW I'll want and like, book a table for two with Mia a few days in advance and carefully slot our appointment into the rest of my working week with the utmost discretion.
You see, what I'm doing is not a 'quick fix' or a 'crash diet' - it's not something I want to try on for size, mimic, mock or even abuse with misplaced curiosity. No, I want to take the basic Pro-Ana-Mia ethos and use it to create a strong, beautiful, slim, young woman who is the epitome of self control.
I want people to look at me and think 'I wonder how she does it' whilst grimacing grimly at their own unsatisfactory reflections in shop windows. I want work colleagues to gaze at my miniscule lunches and look longingly at my petite, immaculate appearance, desperate to be able to have THAT much self control. I want women to both hate and want to be me. I want men to love and fear me. Above all, I want to be the very best that I CAN be, because I know that deep down, I'm better than the rest of them put together.
I'm kind of lucky. I'm smart, I'm funny, I'm charming, I'm witty and I'm engaging. I'm good at my job and if it weren't for this inpenetrable fat-suit suffocating my potentially beautiful physique I would look damn fine too.
I know I have the potential to be beautiful, all the indicators are there: long, glossy, poker straight hair - check, big brown eyes with long luscious lashes - check, cute perky nose - check, straight white teeth - check, prize-winning smile - check. Unfortunately, no one can really see past the umpteen gazillion extra pounds of flab that are just drowning me at the moment, so it's time I let Ana come and take my hand and help me find my real, true beautiful inner, skinny self.
Who's with me?
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